Anger is a natural part of the human experience. It’s something everyone feels at some point, whether it’s triggered by frustration, injustice, or when things just don’t go the way we want them to. While anger can be a valid and appropriate response in certain situations, it’s important to recognize that unchecked anger can be harmful. It can impact your health, your well-being, strain relationships, and make it harder to think clearly or resolve the issues at hand.
Understanding Anger: The Emotions Underneath the Reaction
When you’re angry, it can feel like there’s a black-and-white view of the world, where everything is either right or wrong, and there’s nothing in between. Typically, anger is thought of as a secondary emotion, even though it happens in a split second. Anger is a defensive protector emotion – it is often protecting a vulnerable feeling underneath, that we may not want to face, like fear, grief, or shame.
This can take a toll on your body. Anger is linked to physical issues like headaches, high blood pressure, and exhaustion. It can create lasting tension in your body and leave your nervous system amped up, making it hard to let go. If untreated, unresolved anger can lead to bitterness, resentment, and alienation from others.
How to Manage Your Anger in Healthier Ways
Recognizing that anger is a valid, yet complex emotion is the first step toward managing it. Instead of letting it spiral, here are some ways to work with your anger:
- Don’t Ignore or Suppress It
Trying to push anger away only makes it stronger. Instead, acknowledge it when it arises and get curious about it. Are there any patterns to what triggers your anger? - Express Anger in a Healthy Way
Anger needs an outlet. Find a way to release the emotional charge, such as going for a walk, running, or engaging in any form of physical activity. This helps release built-up energy and allow it to move through your body. - Identify What’s Underneath the Anger
Anger is often a reaction to deeper feelings like fear, vulnerability, or sadness. Take a moment to pause and ask yourself: What am I really feeling? Am I afraid of something? Am I hurt or feeling powerless? Recognizing the root emotions can help you understand why you’re angry and how to address it more effectively. - Start Noticing Your Triggers
Pay attention to what causes you to feel angry. Do certain situations, people, or patterns trigger your anger? Recognizing your triggers can give you a head start in managing your emotional responses. - Be Conscious of Your Emotions
The more aware you become of your emotional landscape, the better you can manage your anger. If you notice yourself starting to feel frustrated or upset, try to pause, breathe, and check in with yourself before reacting impulsively. - Take Responsibility for Your Emotions
Realizing that your emotions are your responsibility can help you manage them. If you can control how you respond emotionally, you can prevent anger from taking over.
When Someone Else Is Angry with You
It’s not always easy to stay calm when someone else is angry, especially if their anger is directed at you. However, responding with more anger typically makes the situation worse. Here’s how you can manage someone else’s anger with compassion and grace:
- Don’t Respond with Anger
If someone is angry with you, it can be tempting to react in kind, but this rarely leads to resolution. Take a deep breath, and try to stay grounded. - Take a Timeout
If you feel yourself becoming defensive or upset, it’s okay to take a step back. Allow both yourself and the other person some space to cool down. - Listen and Validate Their Feelings
Sometimes, simply listening and acknowledging the other person’s feelings can help defuse the situation. You might say something like, “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I can understand why you’d be upset.” - Turn Anger into Language
Instead of reacting with more anger, try expressing what’s really going on. Use language to communicate your feelings and allow the other person to do the same. Anger often escalates when emotions are left unspoken.
Final Thoughts: Managing Anger Takes Practice
Anger can feel overwhelming, but with awareness, practice, and patience, you can learn to manage it in healthier ways. If you find yourself struggling with anger, know that you’re not alone. Working with an Integrate Counselling therapist can definitely help! Book a free 15-minute consultation today!
