In relationships, it’s natural to want to care for and support others. However, when that care turns into over-reliance on others for your own emotional well-being, you may find yourself caught in a cycle of codependency. Codependency is often rooted in a lack of personal boundaries and the inability to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This can lead to unhealthy dynamics where you may feel responsible for others’ emotions, or alternatively, allow others to take too much responsibility for yours.
In contrast, self-responsibility is about recognizing that you are the primary person responsible for your own emotions, needs, and actions. It’s about having the emotional maturity to maintain healthy relationships, without losing sight of yourself in the process.
Drawing from David Richo’s work on self-responsibility, let’s explore the difference between codependency and self-responsibility and how therapy can help you develop a healthier, more balanced approach to relationships.
What is Codependency?
Codependency often develops in childhood or in environments where emotional needs were either unmet or over-satisfied. This may be due to neglect, trauma, or enmeshment—where there is a lack of healthy boundaries between family members, or when one person’s needs consistently take precedence over others.
In codependent relationships, there are common signs, such as:
- People-pleasing: Putting others’ needs ahead of your own to gain approval or avoid conflict.
- Lack of boundaries: Difficulty saying “no,” or constantly sacrificing your needs for others.
- Over-responsibility for others: Feeling like it’s your job to “fix” or “save” others, especially when they’re struggling emotionally.
- Low self-worth: Relying on others to validate your sense of value and feeling lost without external affirmation.
What is Self-Responsibility?
Self-responsibility, as David Richo explains, is the ability to take ownership of your own emotions, actions, and needs. It’s recognizing that while you can care for others and offer support, you’re not responsible for rescuing them, managing their feelings or solving their problems. As well, other people are not responsible for your happiness or emotional well-being.
Being self-responsible means:
- Knowing your boundaries: Understanding what you need, and being able to communicate it clearly without guilt.
- Taking care of your emotions: Recognizing that your feelings are your own, and learning to regulate them in healthy ways.
- Self-awareness: Being in touch with your own needs and values, and making decisions based on them.
- Mutual relationships: Building connections where both of you are equally responsible for your own emotional health and well-being.
Self-responsibility means recognizing that your emotional balance and stability come from within, and not from others.
How Therapy Can Help You Shift From Codependency to Self-Responsibility
- Understanding the Roots: We can help you explore the origins of your codependent patterns, typically learned from childhood experiences, past relationships, or ways you learned to overextend yourself emotionally.
- Setting Boundaries: In therapy, you’ll learn how to establish limits, express your needs without guilt, and feel confident in saying “no” when necessary.
- Building Self-Worth: In therapy we’ll support you in rebuilding your self-esteem, so you no longer rely on external validation. You’ll learn to value yourself for who you are, rather than what you do for others.
- Emotional Regulation: In therapy we’ll help you develop tools for managing your emotions without relying on others for emotional support. You’ll gain insight into your emotional triggers and work on developing healthier coping strategies.
- Creating Mutual Relationships: Therapy can also help you foster healthier, more balanced relationships. You’ll learn how to give and receive support equally, recognizing that both you and the people in your life are responsible for your own emotional health.
Moving Towards Healthier Relationships
Shifting from codependency to self-responsibility doesn’t mean you stop caring about others—it means you start caring for yourself in a more balanced way. If you’ve noticed patterns of people-pleasing, over-giving, or feeling responsible for others’ happiness, we’d love to help you move towards greater self-responsibility. Contact us today for a free 15-minute consultation!
