Anxiety is a strategy that helps us to feel safer by keeping our nervous system on high alert scanning for things that could potentially go wrong. Over time, it becomes a coping strategy for keeping our world feeling “in control”, so that there are fewer bad surprises and the potential chaos is managed.
A small amount of anxiety can be helpful. The problem is that anxiety tends to grow over time – if we feed it. And if we find ourselves ruminating a lot, it can rob us of energy and time. It can cause our lives to shrink, in terms of things we think we can no longer do. If we have constant anxiety, it’s like a smoke-detector that is on a very sensitive setting, going off when there is no smoke. The good news is that we can learn to manage and cope with anxiety through working with our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and body symptoms. Anxiety is not “all in your head” – it’s also in your body.
Some Ideas to Consider:
Being anxious or afraid is not same as being in actual danger, even though it feels like it.
Anticipatory anxiety is often worse than the actual situation you are fearing. Try an experiment to check this out.
Anxiety tells you that you can’t handle this moment or this event or this thought. Is that true? What happens if you sit with it and wait and see?
Anxiety tells you that you need 100% certainty. What other things in life do you handle well in which you don’t have 100% certainty?
Your thoughts are not necessarily facts. Allow yourself the space to doubt that they are true.
Avoidance of activities that make you anxious can strengthen the anxiety.
Exposure weakens the anxiety over time by creating new neural pathways (e.g. doing the thing you fear in small steps, or letting go of the need to control all factors, or sitting in the anxiety and doing nothing, allowing it to be there until it subsides – each time you prove to yourself that you can in fact handle anxiety and that nothing bad happened).
Anxiety passes and it won’t hurt you. Try sitting with it and noticing that it does subside. Focus on your breathing – do cycles of longer exhales than inhales (e.g. breathe in for 4 counts and out for 7 counts). Most panic attacks last less than 20 minutes.
Take action to try the new thing even though you might feel nervous – take a chance. Experiment with a small step and see how you survive.
Reward yourself for small steps, resilience, bravery, and your helpful qualities.
Learning to be kind and compassionate to yourself and your anxiety is one of the most helpful strategies. Being self-critical does not help to lessen anxiety.
Sometimes we place too much emphasis and meaning on body sensations and thoughts.
We can learn to be comfortable with the “not knowing”. Control is an illusion.
Anxiety wants you to take no risks and, over time, this shrinks your life, or it can alienate people around you if you are trying to protect or manage or control them in order to keep your anxiety down.
Anxiety also shows up as needing things to be done a certain way – check if you notice you are being rigid about small things (e.g. the kitchen needs to be organized exactly your way). Experiment with not correcting others about things.
Anxiety is you trying to predict the future and it sends you lots of “what-if” thoughts, trying to control for every outcome. This robs you of time, energy and peace of mind, as well as sleep. Cultivate living in the present moment and catch yourself if you are over-planning.
Anxiety is like an overly-protective friend – it warns us about potential problems but it also holds us back.
We can have judgments about our fears and what they mean about us. Try asking yourself “is this true?”
Anxiety is on a continuum from mild to severe – it can grow to become a big internal struggle if you let it.
Helpful Strategies:
- Externalize it: “That’s just my worry talking to me. In truth, everything is fine right now. I can handle this. “
- Correct thinking mistakes – “The chance of something happening is really small. I’ve done this a ton of times and nothing bad has happened.” “Even if things don’t go according to plan, I’m good at problem solving and worry doesn’t help”.
- Anxiety is part of every human’s life. The goal is facing it, working with it, not 100% accommodating it or waiting till it’s not there. It helps to see that your fear is a false alarm, that’s not giving you good information. It’s just a feeling, uncomfortable, but it will pass. It’s background noise in your brain. You can let it be and turn your attention to something else. Use distraction to settle your mind and body so that the false alarm diminishes. Above all, be kind.
- Breathing exercises help the body to relax, and soothe the Flight response. (E.g. Box Breathing – imagine a square – Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, breathe out for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, Repeat) or simply do a longer exhale than inhale for several times (e.g. Breathe in for 4 counts, out for 7 counts, Repeat until you feel relaxed).
- Savour the Positive – any time during the day that something good happens or you feel pleasure, joy, relaxation, etc., PAUSE and savour the moment, to stretch it. Notice it, tell yourself how good it feels, breathe it into your body and receive it! Lots of times we are very programmed by our anxiety to keep looking for threats and problems and we don’t even notice that there are many good moments in our days! For example, after a night out with friends, spend some time the next day reflecting on what were the wins, or positives from socializing, what particular parts did you enjoy and what you did you gain from going out? We want to anchor in the positive moments and allow ourselves to trust that they can recur.
- Write 3 things you are grateful for daily in a gratitude journal at the end of each day. This can help to re-program the brain to start noticing the positives and create momentum.
- Name it to Tame it. Pause throughout your day and check in with yourself. Notice what you are feeling and name it. “I’m feeling frustrated and underneath that frustration, I’m scared that I’m going to be judged”, etc. Acknowledging and naming stressful feelings can help to de-escalate them. Put your hand on your heart or your solar plexus to feel the warmth and comfort.
- Connecting with our safe, close loved ones through eye contact, hugs, listening and talking, and affectionate touch is helpful for soothing us, because we are mammals – we are wired to need connection and belonging.
If your anxiety is bothering you, why not book a free 15-minute consultation to see if therapy might help? We’d love to work with you. Book a consultation today.
