integrate counselling

Treating yourself with kindness, curiosity and compassion is the first step in proving to yourself that you feel worthy of love. Try some of these strategies and see which ones resonate with you. 

1. If you notice that when you look back at your childhood, you are reminded of the hard parts, pull out some old photo albums and look for the good moments. Notice your family members and how young you all were. Notice the expressions on your faces, look into your eyes, notice what you were wearing, feel yourself into that moment in time. See your own sweetness and your good intentions, see your innocence and your beauty. It’s okay to love yourself there. Allow yourself to relax into the good feelings. Take them into your heart.

2. Make a list of all the “angels” in your life, people who noticed you and inspired you to see yourself and your situation with new eyes. Was there a kind teacher, or a favourite aunt or a friend who changed the direction of your life? In particular, when you think about your interests and your values, was there someone who guided you or taught you, encouraged you or mentored you? Remember them fondly and with gratitude.

3. Embrace “Both And”. For example, if you are struggling with an issue like anxiety, your self-talk could be something like “I do get anxious in social situations and I also lead a team at work, and I can converse easily with people I know. And by taking small risks every week, I am creating new neural pathways that prove to myself that I can handle stuff.”

4. Pause and check in with yourself throughout the day. Look inward at what’s going on for you in that moment. Take a breath and close your eyes. Ask: how am I doing? Feel what’s going on inside your body. Consciously breathe out long exhales and relax any tension. Stretch out any tense muscles. Think of your body as your friend. Does it need some water/food/sunshine/fresh air/a break?

5. When you first wake up in the morning, notice your thoughts. Does your day start with anxious statements like “I didn’t get enough sleep”, or “I don’t have enough time”, or “I’m worried about that thing I have to do today”, etc? When a stressful thoughts pop in, try to see it as just a thought, and label it (e.g. past, future, anxiety, doubt, etc.) The idea is to realize that thoughts are not facts. They often come from a place of fear and scarcity. They are separate from the real you on the inside, your Self – the witness, the observer. Try grounding into that Self, and noticing the thoughts floating in, coming and going, like clouds.

6. Book “dates” or block some time into your schedule for YOU. This could be for anything you find pleasurable: a walk, sitting in the sun, meeting a friend, yoga, a class.

7. Do the Values Sort Exercise with your therapist and choose your top 10 most important values. Are you living them?

If you are struggling with self-love and self-worth, try these exercises and also feel free to book a counselling session if you’d like to talk them through.